When do you want to find out that the pilot flying your plane has no license-or, worse, does not know how to fly-before or after the flight? When do you want to know the person performing open-heart surgery on you has never been to medical school, or is drunk-before or after the operation? How about your tax person or phlebotomist-before or after you suffer the consequences of their ineptitude? And when would you want to know you spent four years in school only to find out you had been scammed, that the organization was not accredited and your investment and dream is gone-before or after you invested your valuable time into making your dreams for the future come true?
Do these seem ridiculous questions? Of course they do. No more ridiculous, however, than getting into a relationship with someone who has no tools or relationship skills! Without you want to find out the person you want to be in a relationship / are about to have sex with is already married, has two children and is never going to leave their family. Or the person you have been dating is a practicing drug addict and has recently been arrested for assault and battery. Or the person who has just told you they never want to be without you has said the same thing to five other people, or has has an STD. Or the person you just moved in with never wants to get married / have children / is completely self-centered / has never had a successful relationship / possesses no skills when it comes to relationships and is not interested in personal growth whatsoever? Exactly when do you want to find these things out?
I have certainly been a victim of low self-esteem and a believer in Happily Ever After, but eventually this thinking and belief system caught up with me. My relationship patterns were clear to everyone but me; I only knew I was unhappy, had tried everything I knew to make my relationships work (the focus of my life) by being more accommodating, prettier, sexier, indifferent, hard to get, or aggressive. Occasionally, out of frustration, I actually started not to care at all. After my own very spectacular awakening to the "truth" of the way things are (on the heads of a series of disappointments and Unhappily Ever After relationships), I got down on my knees and prayed to whatever God, anything that would listen, this prayer:
Please show me the way!
Yes, relationship-or lack of it, really-bought me to my knees. My heart was broken (more than once) and fragile, and I was soul-sick and lost, despite all appearances. I did not know what was wrong or what to do, so I surrendered and prayed. That very day my life changed dramatically, forever. It was the end of suffering as I knew it. Someone or something outside myself would never again dictate my fate or happiness.
I have never suffered since.
I feel deeply, of course, my heart is open. Yet my method allows me a daily opportunity to practice being internally referenced, to reach for the tools I have over these years turned into skills that have served me well. With vigilance and passion I cling to the truth of these teachings I was given, as I know the quality of my well-being and life depends on them! Along the way I have been given the privilege and honor of sharing these diverse tools and truths with you.
If you love and care about yourself, and believe every moment of your life is precious, you will not consider wasting one moment hoping to find out, some day or down the road the answer to any such critical questions! And that sooner, rather than later. I am going to assume you are interested, as I have been these many years working in the personal development industry, in what it takes to create success anywhere in life.
I have come to find these key ingredients to success: Know who you are and what you want, have a solid plan, acquire the necessary tools and turn them into skills. Cultivating adequate discipline, desire and commitment is also necessary to turn your heart's desires, the relationship of your dreams, into reality! Only you barely, if ever, hear that! Most of us learn or observe this relationship scenario: you meet someone, you fall in love (ie your heart races, knees go weak, can not stop thinking of the person) and you live happily ever after. Well in REAL life, (as opposed to reel life) this usually amounts to disappointment, loss, pain and shutting down our hearts after we repeat this pattern a few times: Look at marriage statistics and the rise in people living single lives. Not having a plan or skills is an increasingly poor choice of a way to attract and create a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship.